Starting preschool is an important milestone for both children and parents. For some children, walking into school for the first time is exciting. For others, saying goodbye to a parent can feel difficult.
Separation anxiety is common in young children, particularly when they are entering a new environment or beginning a new routine. Crying, holding onto a parent, refusing to enter the classroom or asking repeatedly when a parent will return can all be part of the adjustment process.
With patience, consistency and support, most children gradually become more comfortable and confident at school.
Why Do Children Experience Separation Anxiety?
Young children depend on familiar adults for security. Starting preschool introduces many new experiences at once: new teachers, other children, unfamiliar surroundings and a different daily routine.
Even children who are normally confident may need time to adjust.
Separation anxiety does not necessarily mean that a child dislikes school. A child may become upset when saying goodbye and then begin playing happily only a short time later.
The transition becomes easier as the child learns an important lesson: my parent leaves, I am safe here, and my parent always comes back.
Prepare Your Child Before Preschool Starts
Talking positively about school before the first day can make the environment feel more familiar.
Explain simply what will happen.
For example:
“First we will go to school. You will play and learn with your teacher and friends. Then I will come back and pick you up.”
Avoid making school sound frightening or uncertain.
Instead, talk about things your child can look forward to, such as:
- playing with other children
- drawing and making things
- listening to stories
- singing songs
- exploring new activities
- spending time with their teacher
You can also read our guide on How to Prepare Your Child for Kindergarten for more ideas before starting school.
Create a Consistent Morning Routine
Young children often feel more secure when they know what is going to happen next.
Try to follow a similar routine each school morning:
wake up, get dressed, have breakfast, prepare the school bag and travel to school.
A predictable routine reduces uncertainty and helps school become a normal part of the child’s week.
Preparing clothes and bags the evening before can also make mornings calmer for both parents and children.
Keep Goodbyes Short and Positive
Long emotional goodbyes can sometimes make separation more difficult.
When it is time to leave, give your child a hug, tell them when you will return and say goodbye confidently.
For example:
“Have a lovely morning. I will see you after school.”
Then leave.
Returning several times after saying goodbye can unintentionally teach the child that crying may make the parent come back.
A calm and consistent goodbye helps children understand the routine.
Never Disappear Without Saying Goodbye
It can be tempting to quietly leave while a child is distracted.
However, disappearing without saying goodbye may make a child more anxious because they can become worried that a parent might suddenly disappear again.
A clear goodbye builds trust.
Your child gradually learns:
My parent tells me when they are leaving, I am safe at school, and they always return.
Allow Teachers to Build a Relationship With Your Child
A strong relationship with teachers is one of the most important parts of settling into preschool.
Children need to learn that their teacher is another trusted adult who can help, comfort and support them.
Giving the teacher the opportunity to welcome and engage your child helps this relationship develop.
Parents and teachers working together can also identify activities or interests that help a child settle more comfortably.
Bring a Familiar Object if Appropriate
For some children, a small familiar item can provide reassurance during the first days of school.
Depending on the school’s arrangements, this might be:
- a small comfort toy
- a familiar water bottle
- a favourite backpack
- a small family photograph
The purpose is not to distract the child from school, but to provide a small connection with something familiar while they adjust.
Talk Positively About School at Home
After school, ask simple and positive questions.
Instead of:
“Did you cry today?”
try:
“What did you play with today?”
“Who did you sit with?”
“What story did your teacher read?”
“What was your favourite thing today?”
These questions shift attention toward positive experiences and help children remember that school contains enjoyable activities.
Avoid Comparing Your Child With Other Children
Every child adjusts differently.
One child may walk confidently into the classroom on the first day. Another may need several days or weeks before they feel completely comfortable.
Both can be normal.
Comparisons such as “Look, that child isn’t crying” rarely help. They may make a child feel that their emotions are wrong.
Instead, acknowledge their feelings while remaining confident about school.
“You miss me when I leave. I understand. Your teacher will look after you, and I will come back.”
Encourage Independence at Home
Small opportunities for independence can help children feel more capable when they start preschool.
Depending on their age, encourage them to practise simple tasks such as:
- putting on shoes
- carrying their own school bag
- washing their hands
- putting toys away
- choosing between two appropriate options
- eating independently
- asking an adult for help
These everyday skills help children develop confidence and a sense of responsibility.
Learning Through Play Can Help Children Settle
For young children, play provides a natural way to explore an unfamiliar environment and connect with other people.
Activities such as building, drawing, imaginative play, music, movement and outdoor exploration can help children become engaged without feeling pressured.
As children become interested in an activity, they often begin interacting naturally with teachers and classmates.
You can read more about this approach in our article Play-Based Learning in Early Childhood.
What if My Child Still Cries?
Some children continue to cry at drop-off even after they have started enjoying school.
What matters is not only whether a child cries when the parent leaves, but what happens afterwards.
If the child settles, participates in activities, interacts with teachers and enjoys parts of the school day, the separation process may simply require more time.
Parents and teachers should communicate about how the child behaves after the parent has left.
When Separation Anxiety Needs More Attention
Adjustment periods vary, but parents should speak with the school if anxiety remains very intense, becomes worse over time or significantly affects the child’s ability to participate in everyday activities.
Parents know their child well, while teachers can observe how the child behaves during the school day.
Working together usually gives a much clearer picture than judging the situation only from the few minutes around morning drop-off.
Helping Children Build Confidence
The ultimate goal is not simply for children to stop crying.
It is for them to develop confidence that they can be away from their parents, form relationships with other trusted adults, make friends and enjoy new experiences.
These are important early steps toward independence, communication and social-emotional development.
A caring preschool environment, consistent routines and positive support from parents can make this transition much easier.
Preschool and Kindergarten in Kamala, Phuket
At Shining Stars School Kamala, we aim to provide young children with positive learning experiences in a caring environment where they can Learn ★ Play ★ Grow.
Our approach supports children’s confidence, communication, social development, English development and age-appropriate learning through engaging activities and individual attention.
Parents who would like to learn more about Shining Stars can explore our curriculum or contact the school to arrange a visit.
Looking for a preschool or kindergarten in Phuket?
Shining Stars School Kamala provides English-intensive, play-based learning for children ages 2–7 in a caring environment with individual attention.
Contact Shining Stars